Tag Archives: wallabies

Poms vs Wallabies – Translation

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Al BaxTAH destroying Andy Sheridan

Al BaxTAH destroying Andy Sheridan

This blog is called Beer and Sport for a reason, and that was never clearer than my coverage of the England vs Australia Test Match Rugby at 3am on Sunday morning. For those of you who struggled with my live match report, here is a sober translation.

ino try mother fúcker!

We scored a try, yay

commentary is mofúckingshízerhousern. and what’s with the ads@

The Channel 10 coverage is appalling. They only seem to have one commentator who is some pompous and quietly spoken Pom, who’se considered reflections add nothing to the spectacle. Think Sir Henry Blowfield on prozac.

ghey as.

Ryan Cross just did something stoopid

sackeyt you dumbshít mofo, kick it TGITS!

England winger, Paul Sackey, just executed a poor midfield kick that went straight to Wallabies fly-half Matt Giteau.

damn, missed onej. half time, 12-11

Oh bother, Matt Giteau just missed a kick at goal. It’s halftime and the Wallabies are leading 12-11.

CARN WALABI…..sorry ch10 ad break…………………….ES!!!!

We were playing some good attacking rugby when I was left high and dry by the Channel 10 coverage swapping to an advertisment in the middle of play. When they came back, play is up the other end of the field.

As a subscriber to Foxtel and someone who is prepared to pay a premium to watch sport live, it is most frustrating to live in a country where the government legislate to protect the right of ‘Free to air’ stations to deny me live coverage of sporting events.

I dont have abig enough font but

TIGHTEASDDSD!~!!@!~

Oh, I do believe that the much maligned Wallabies Scrum just pulled off a Tighthead. That is to say we won the ball on the opposition feed by literally shoving their front row’s head up their árses. I am rather impressed by this feat and wish to convey my happiness in blog form by using the biggest font availble.

The Set Piece from Twickenham

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A hell of a lot was written in the leadup to this Test Match at Twickenham, and pretty much all of it was about how the Poms would smash the Aussie Scrum.

It was so refreshing to see us not only gain parity in the set piece but to absolutely demolish the great unwashed with two tightheads was a thing of beauty.

I’ve cut out all the scrums in a Stephen Jones tribute video for your enjoyment

I reckon the turning point when we really started to smash em up front was Palu’s substitution for Brown. Looking forward to Wycliff getting his starting spot back next week.

And to those who’ve been bad-mouthing Australia’s most capped and my favourite prop Al BaxTAH, who you’ll notice is front and centre in my banner of legends, feel free to shut the fúck up before Al sticks your head up your árse along with Andy Sheridans.

Wallabies meet the Queen

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Wallabies meet The Queen

Wallabies meet The Queen

Nice photo this one, looks like Queeny just dropped a stinker and Mortlock is the only Wallaby able to keep a straight face.

Dean “the white Mummba” Mumm is tucking into the Vodka and Oranges, and is that John O’Neill I see hiding behind her royal highness? Dare I ask what his his hands are doing??

It makes sense for the Queen to meet the enemy, it’ll give so much more meaning to the knighthoods bestowed on the captain and coach, not to mention the OBE’s for the remaining players if they do happen to win.

Interblog Warfare – Honkers Test

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Smackdown

Smackdown

MC Gregor, the magic fuel pill peddling West Australian Succeeding Kiwi wants a small wager on the Honkers Test. Personally, I’d have preferred the Bledisloe Cup to be put on this test, however that’s out of my hands.

So instead, we’re sticking editorial humiliation on the line. The wager, in MC Gregor’s own words

If Australia wins. I’ll write a mea culpa, heartbroken, humble match report for your blog. It will be white hot with pain and regret. If the Blacks win, you can do the same on the Balls?

I reckon there’s a fair chance we can get Leg Break and Matt to man up, which would make it two Aussies (one in exile) and two Kiwi’s (one in exile) ready to pen the artcile.

On a side note, I’ve got a bloody wedding this weekend and if the unthinkable happens my review of the match will be a few days late till I find an Internet Cafe…

Strongest Baa Baa’s ever to take on Wallabies

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Gregan’s long time understudy at the Brumbies Luke Burgess is set to go head to head with his former master in December’s London Olympic centenary match at Wembley.

In a star studded Baa Baa’s lineup that has both Gregan and Fourie Du Preez I feel that Fourie may play this match at 10. The squad will be captained by Richie ‘tackles’ McCaw and coached by World Cup winning combination of Jake White and former Wallabies mentor cum technical analyst and Eddie ‘Steady’ Jones for good measure.

In what looks to be the strongest squad to ever wear the blue and white hoops, of those announced so far the team is looking like:

1. TBA
2. John Smit (RSA)
3. Carl Hayman (NZ)
4. Steve Borthwick (Eng)
5. Bakkies Botha (RSA)
6. Jerry Collins (NZ)
7. Schalk Burger (RSA)
8. TBA

9. George Gregan
10. Fourie Du Preez (RSA)
11. Bryan Habana (RSA)
12. Jean de Villiers (RSA)
13. TBA
14. Joe Rokocoko (NZ)
15. Percy Montgomery (RSA)

Coach: Jake White
Assistant Coach: Eddie Jones