Lachlan to Turn it on from the wing

1. Chris Hickey – successful club coach stepping up into the professional world promising an exciting brand of Rugby and lots of Easts connections

2. Luke Burgess – Wallaby Scrumhalf extraordinaire and the media just can’t get enough of his eloquent discourse
3. Kurtley Beale – took us to a lead in the final last year before fate struck oh so cruel a blow.
4. The centres – if Tim Tam Tahu and Rob Horne can stay injury free they promise to be one hell of a centre partnership. Managed to get through AAC and Mortlock in the trial, now it’s Nonu’s turn..
5. Al BaxTAH – Australia’s most capped prop looking for some fresh sauce for his Sheridan pie
6. Tatafu Polota-Nau – so so mobile but can he throw straight?
7. Sharon Flahive – Gave me a smile and a wave in the second trial match, I reckon she’s keen as
8. Phil Waugh – the beautiful man is back and wont be leaving without the Robbie Deans trophy
9. The Draw – pretty good this year with 7 home games and reasonable travel arrangements
10. Matthew Burke – back home and on the staff as our new kicking coach, if he can get Kurtley ticking the scoreboard over we’ll take some beating. Rumoured by Moses to be stepping up to attack/backs coach during this season.
11. Dean Mumm – the White Mummba now combines awesome try scoring ability with his Wallaby experience to try and fill the hole left by Vicks
12. Will Caldwell – promising to get angry this year, I want to see some mountaineering at ruck time, do it for Rocky
13. Scott Fava – Only Jason Eaton outperforms Scotty in the important area of facial hair development.
14. Beers – well they’ve only VB at the SFS but it’s one small step up from Tooheys New. And with post match drinks at the Fox and Lion one can at least wash the mouth out with James Squire’s Pilsener

Our schedule now has us as the first AU or NZ team in 12 years of Super Rugby to travel to South Africa twice. But wait there’s more, we also get two trips to NZ, and if we’re to somehow overcome this absolute barry-crocker of a draw and make the finals, we could be looking at a third trip to the Republic of Boneheads.

Week 1 – Johannesburg
Week 2 – Wellington
Week 3 – Sydney
Week 4 – Sydney
Week 5 – Sydney
Week 6 – Canberra
Week 7 – Sydney
Week 8 – Auckland
Week 9 – Sydney
Week 10 – Sydney
Week 11 – Sydney
Week 12 – Bye
Week 13 – Kimberly
Week 14 – Durban

The news is coming from SA Rugby, and this quote perfectly shows their empathy for the Stormers hectic schedule.

This time it is the Stormers that get the shortened Sicof the stick. They play Crusaders in New Zealand before returning to Australia for matches against the Waratahs and Brumbies before another trans-Tasman trip to play the Hurricanes and Highlanders in New Zealand.

Oh poor Stormers, what a very short stick. My God, you actually have to travel to New Zealand twice from Eastern Australia, that’s like 3 hours in a plane! Perhaps you can take some comfort from the ‘Tahs who, in addition to two trips to South Africa, also get two of these horrific trans-Tasman trips.

Personally I think this is fantastic news, and while the structure has yet to be announced, it’s likely that a rest week will reward the first and second placed teams, while affording a shot at glory to the 5th and 6th placed teams.

Looking at this years table and you see that while the Hurricanes finished 4th on 41 points, the Stormers missed out also with 41 points on their For/Against margin. The Blues in 6th place on 40 points were 6 points clear of the pack led by the Chiefs on 34.

2007 and it’s the same story – places 2 to 6 have just 2 competition points between them, then it’s a further 8 points to 7th.

2006, yep you guessed it, a three way tie for 4th position ; the Bulls made it based on +65 point For/Against over the Sharks who had +64. In 2006 7th was only 2 points adrift before the mid-table divide to 8th.

Prior to that it was the Super 12, so less games played by all, and a final 4 was appropriate. Historically looking at the impact this would have had since the 2006, it’s hard to argue against.

I’ve spent half the afternoon when I should have been working putting together this handy table of which ELV’s apply and when. Perhaps the teams, players and referees can print it out and refer to it at the bottom of mauls and when passing the ball back into their 22.

My biggest beef with the implementation of these new laws is, as with all things IRB, politics. The laws were trialled in the 2007 ARC and the players, referees, coaches, media and IRB observers all agreed they were mostly good, however there was contention over the ability to pull down mauls.

As such, the Super 14 adopted the new laws minus the pulling down of mauls. All rejoiced at the greater understanding at the breakdown, the extra minutes of ball in play, the increased turnovers in the constant battle for possession. We were happy that the fundamentals of the game hadn’t changed – it was still a game for all body types, dominant scrums still dominated, and Richie McCaw was still a cheat.

Now we find ourselves having blooded the ELV’s at ARC, Currie Cup, NPC and Super 14 levels. It’s been an overwhelming success. Alas, bar the Scots, the Northern Hemisphere have shown little to no interest. The Poms (especially Jeremy Clarkson) seem to believe the whole ELV ‘scandal’ is one perpetrated by Australians in order to make their scrum competitive. Fair point, our scrum has been woeful in recent memory, but perhaps one could watch a game of the Super 14 before passing judgment.

After a great Super 14 season we now find ourselves at the June Internationals with the Northerners coming south in search of Winter. To appease them we’re going to revert to the old laws. Yep, for 6 weeks only the all you can eat 3 point penalties are back on the menu. If we’re lucky England and South Africa can replay the RWC final.

So, what to do for the Tri Nations then? SANZAR have pulled a rabbit out of the hat here by seamlessly sliding back to ELV’s, but for good measure pulling out a further two ELV’s. Until this point SANZAR had making the best of the situation, but why the f’uck would they introduce 2 extra ELV’s and not the final 3 ELV’s?

Now we’ll go from 8 to 0 to 10 to 13 ELV’s.

Here’s an example of the clarity that the ELV’s have given us. The 1st rule determined that Touch Judges should be referred to as Assistant Referees for the Super 14. The period between 1st May and 17th July they’ll revert to Touch Judges for the June International Tests, before switching back to Assistant Referees within SANZAR while retaining the Touch Judge title elsewhere for the Tri-Nations period. From the 1st August they’ll be Assistant Referees everywhere. Glad we cleared that up.

If you’re interested in what these new laws actually are, here’s the list of
2008 Super 14 ELV’s and heres the Final ELV List from August 1s 08

Usually at times like this I’d manipulate the stats until they’re in our favour, making a convincing argument for why we’re going in with an advantage. While this is generally an easy task with the Baggy Greens and do-able with the Wallabies, in terms of Super Rugby at Jade Stadium it would be an excercise in futility. Apart from blatantly making stuff up there’s no favourable spin I can put on this trip – each metric is stacked massively in favour of the Cantabrians.

With the old chesnuts of prior form, stats and bookie’s odds abandoning me, I’ve instead chosen instead to appeal to Patriotism, Team Spirit, and Awesomeness. Damn, we’ve made the final.. is it too much to believe that we could go one more game?

Our scrum has had the best year in memory, always gaining parity and some weeks being totally dominant – winning against the feed (2 x stormers, 1 x reds). It’s hard to seperate the names from some prior acts against England, however Matt Dunning and Al Baxter have been superb at tighthead, while Benn Robinson has really matured this year to be a combative loosehead. TPN’s throwing is much improved, and his impact at the breakdown can’t be underestimated.while Adam Freier’s pick and go’s are a highlight of his play in the loose.

Dean Mumm while scoring a bunch of tries himself with powerful runs and strong palm-offs has really come of age to make a potent combination with Aussie Dan, who will be sorely missed. Dan’s going to be a monumental loss to the Tahs and Wallabies respectviely, any world XV would have him and Victor locking down.

The backrow have used the ELV’s to their fullest, winning vital turnovers. Phil has been tackling anything that moves, often moving into the backline so he can put the smackdown on an unsuspecting centre. Legal agression has been a standout of our play, with massive hits being dealt out while maintaining an excellent disciplanary record. Two of the hardest men around – Jerry Collins and AJ Venter can speak first hand of the dominance of Beau and Palu in this area after they were both given a comprehensive lesson in pain.

Luke Burgess has been a revelation at scrum-half. His pace electric, decision making astute and ability to back himself provided the Tahs with some much needed spark. Perhaps the biggest difference he makes however is the basics of scrum-halfing. He gobbles all the shit ball that comes out the back of the scrum and serves up a golden platter for Kurtley. For me the highlight of his year was in attrocious conditions in Pretoria where a slipery ball was flying all over the place, yet he somehow managed to clean it up for Kurts to concentrate on distributing. Plus it’s satisfying to take one back from the Brumbies. Josh who?

Much of our success this year has come in spite of poor kicking. I don’t blame Kurtley for this however, in fact I think he’s had a wonderful season. He seems to have learnt to do less when required, happy to get the forwards to run it up rather than go for the hero try every play. He’s playing percentage rugby and growing each game into a fine distributor. I even think he’ll turn into a fine kicker, he’s just not there yet. I’ve maintained all along that letting Peter Hewat go with a year remaining on his contract was a mistake, I still don’t know how but we’ve made the final!

Tom Carter is another who’s efforts have been mostly under-rated though he’s picked up some positive press in recent weeks. His hard running, solid defence and resiliance to injuries have provided a bankable inside centre that gets the job done.

Rob Horney, well what a champunisher. As the 2nd quickest guy in the country he manages to rush opposition defences and has put on some memorable hits on opposite numbers. Just last week he gave Francois injured ribs a real test, as well as smashing the Sharks 13 for a vital turnover that led to Lote’s try.

Lote Tuqiri has had his best season ever. Always drawing in two tacklers and sometimes that’s not enough. He’s not scared to get involved in the dirty work, and has been a real leader amongst such a young backline. Richie McCaw, if you’re reading please pull Lote’s hair. Pump Up Lote.

Lachie Turner has had a mixed season. Some call it second season blues, while I’d argue he’s just had some bad weeks while being mostly awesome. He’s been much better since returning to the wing, I reckon his kicking out of hand has been a bit of a weakness at the back, however that’ll improve with experience. Full marks for his payout on Waratah Jesus, was worth the price of admission. Funny f’ucker.

Sam Norton-Knight’s return from injury – he’s proved to be a reliable kicking option and reliever of pressure, as well as astute positional play at fullback. He’s also provided spark at different times moving into flyhalf and mixing up the attacking patterns, and helped Kurtley defend that 10/12 channel when required.

A team is only ever as good as their bench, and in a competition as demanding as the Super 14. David Lyons, Timana Tahu, Beau Robinson, Will Caldwell, Brett Sheehan, Alfi Mafi, and Ben Jacobs have all played their part in getting us to the final.

Finally, Sir Les Kiss take a bow. You certainly get my vote for coach of the year. Our defensive structures have been superb all year and have most definately got us where we are today.

It may well be a fantasy world that I’m living in but I believe I can fly. I believe we can beat the Crusaders. Well, maybe I can fly. Damn it, I’m going to Christchurch to support the team! Go The Tahs!

There have been many long running jokes about SMH’s Chief Pie Eater, and while he’s predictably in on the action it’s not just him this time. It seems that the entire Australian media fraternity don’t give a toss about the Waratah’s best chance to take home the trophy to date, and are more interested in fuelling some sort of ‘saga’ about Link’s career.

There’s the usual boardroom shenanigans, but their fools anyway. We’ve got Eddie Jones weighing in, calls for an apology, and deadset I’m not making this up, opinions from Rugby League coaches being reported as News!

Les Kiss is leaving, John Connoly’s taking over, no it’s definately Chris Hickey, or Scott Johnson, oh, we’re re-signing link, thanks for clearing that up.

Actually he’s off to France, no Ireland, actually Munster, correction – Crusaders, I mean Blues. Maybe he’ll just go back to being a town planner.

But don’t worry, it’s not a distraction. Personally, I’m with John O’Neill.

Bugger Link, lets talk Rugby.

Shit Draw
2008 is was our year for 6 home matches and 7 away matches, so it’s an absolute tribute to the team to even make the finals with an away laden draw. Two of our home games being against 13th and 14th, who you’d fancy your chances away against. The worst part of our draw was weeks 12-14, with a trip to South Africa being immediately followed by a return to Queensland for a must win grudge match against our nemisis north of the border. Add to this our luggage was lost in Joberg (thanks to all those who donated to the appeal), and our preperation really couldn’t have been any worse. Poor Queenslanders crying about us missing their sponsors do, boo f’ucking hoo.

Coaching Merry-go-round
After weeks of distraction and speculation, Ewen was sacked mid season. This was followed by many more weeks of speculation on his replacement and constant media harrassment of the players which appeared to galvanise the team into the force they are now. Everyone know’s that Waratah Jesus will be the next coach anyway.

No Kicker
By far the most inexplicable decision by the Waratahs this year was releasing Peter Hewat from the final year of his contract without having a replacement. Hewat’s form in the ARC was the catalyst for the Central Coast Rays to take the trophy, with his kicking out of hand and for poles being amongst the best in Australia. Sure Kurtley’s tried hard and even has had some decent weeks (eg week 13 against the Stormers), but he’s just a kid and would have benifited a lot more as Hewat’s understudy this year – taking kicks through the season as circumstances allow but knowing that Hewat is there to fall back on. The issue was mostly covered up when SNK returned from injury, but the glaring hole persists if he goes off (or Link starts him on the bench again WTF!)

Bad Weather
This season the ‘Tahs could really be called the rain makers. It seems everywhere we play thunderstorms follow. While you’d have to say our boys have played well in the wet, our lack of a kicker has really hurt us in this area (case in point Derek Hougard pushing us all over the field with his territorial kicking game). A true tribute to the pigs up front that we’ve stayed in these matches. The plethora of wet weather matches has been a significant factor in our low number of bonus point wins this season.

Unsettled backline
Disturbingly, our backline is still unsettled going into the semi’s, with 13, 14 and 15 all up for grabs. I thought we had reached some consistency of selection going to South Africa, however for some reason Horne is on the outer and we seem to be bending over backwards to accommodate Cararro in the starting team. Sure he’s big, but his positional play is lacking (see Stormers first try), and in leaving SNK out of the team we lose our one open play kicker.

Despite these obstacles, we’ve equalled our 2005 regular season as our best ever. The news gets even better as the Crusaders are suddenly looking beatable and there’s a very real possibility that the final will be in Sydney vs the Hurricanes. 2008 has to be our best shot at the title yet.

Shit-hot defence
Our defensive effort this year has been remarkable. Of the 186 points scored against us this year, 34 were in one week against the Crusaders. We’ve the second best defensive record in the comp after the Crusaders, however bad weather doesn’t lend itself to high scores by either side. Some of the pressure that we’ve withstood has been mirraculous – Les Kiss, take a bow. A shame we don’t have a knighthood system in Australia as Les Kiss would be a sure thing.

Awesome Platform
Bill from QR was spot on when he said our forward pack have an awesome platform. The Dunning and BaxTAH have been on fire, Bennnn and Kepu have also been consistant along with TPN and Freier making an impact too. Three wins against the feed in the last two weeks is one stat that should concern the Sharks. It’s not just the front row however, the entire pack have been awesome with great contributions from Aussie Dan, Dean Mumm scoring a few tries, and Rocky, Phil and Palu smashing everyone in site.

The possibility of losing Dan and Rocky at the end of the year hurts, and it’s for this reason that 2008 is likely to be our best shot at the title for some time.

GO THE TAHS!