I continue the pain of reviewing the Mohali Massacre as it unfolds.

First the positives

• Michael Clarke didn’t get out in the last over of the day. For this we can thank Brad Haddin who farmed the strike for the last 12 balls, denying Clarke the opportunity to embarrass himself again.
• Beer Bullet Points. I made a small pint act as the bullet point marker on BeerandSport.net. This is the only other positive thing to come out of day 4. Isn’t it grand..

And a few negatives

• Ponting’s public spat with Lee. Rick(y) wanted to make a very public point that he’d lost faith in his strike bowler. Surely these conversations can take place behind closed doors? Where’s the seige mentality? It’s us vs them, once we display for all to see that our unity is threatened, there’s not much left in the tank.
• Ponting bowling Hussey for 8 overs. It was clear that we were waiting for an Indian declaration. The Indians had wisely maintained a Left/Right batting partnership to ensure the Aussie fielders had to move after each ball, and were going out of their way to fatigue us. So what the bloody hell possessed Rick to bowl Hussey for 8 full overs? Here’s a fúcking brainwave Einstein, lets fatigue the worlds number 1 ranked batsman by having him bowl 50 odd balls under the hot Indian sun. Sure he’s the bloke we’re expecting to farm a lions share of the responsibility for saving the match, surely he’d be better placed to do that with stiffness in his back and shoulders. What did you gain from bowling Hussey? Sure he was kind of tidy, though the Indians kept up the 4.75 rpo so really, on the balance, sweet fúck all. Maybe it was a futile attempt to restore some sense to the over rates.. though if you’re serious about those then don’t change the damn field after ever ball.
• Troy Cooley. Specialist Bowling Coach. Uh Huh. Seems Troy is a specialist with the Duke and not too bad with the Kookaburra, but when it comes to the SG Ball he’s as clueless as Greg Chappell. The Indians appear to deliver the new SG with a crossed seam, but then only scuff up one side. Are they landing it on the same side each time, or are they doing a damn fine job of polishing the shiny side? Or do they have special mints? Sounds like a job for a bowling coach.
• Aussie batting collapse. To lose one wicket in a short period is unlucky. Two is foolish. 3 is grossly negligent. 4 either side of a tea break, fúcking atrocious. And to let top knot make the breakthroughs, the pain of it all.
• Matthew Hayden getting out I can understand, he was entertaining the idea of getting the runs and for a second there even I believed it was possible. So did the Indians, as they moved their field back, released pressure and scrambled to contain the onslaught. Still, if you look at the practice matches and two tests this is a run drought of note for the strong tall left handed fisherman cook from Queensland who occasionally plays a bit of cricket. Time to send an SOS to the Son Of Swampy.
• Simon Fúcking Katich. His role in this batting line up is the immovable object. 22 off 187 balls, that’s the sort of mettle I wanna see from the Krab, not some completely and utterly shíthouse shot on the stroke of Lunch. What’s this? A ball passing gently by outside my off stump, perhaps I’ll spoon it to point, that’ll show em. Katich gets a two handed HULK SMASH for that písspoor match losing effort.
• Ricky Ponting
  I had held out hope for hope for match saving Ricky of Manchester 2005, instead we got Ishant’s bítch Rick of Perth 2007. Well he scored some runs in the first test so he’s still in the clear.. but talking of EPIC FAILS:

  

• Michael Hussey To be fair I’d stopped watching or caring at this point. I’ll give the Huss some benefit though cause some moron had him bowl 8 overs in the sun which would have done wonders for his legendary concentration.
• Shane Watson did a pretty decent job and together with Michael Clarke stopped the rot. Shane’s proving to be a pretty useful batsman and has done more than enough to retain his place in the squad.
• Brad Haddin has also done well, though I wouldn’t stick the house on our holding out past tea. Had we been 2 down at stumps then as Balls of Gold suggested, a sizeable wager on the draw could have been a good bet.

To be dominated so completely with both the bat and ball, I’m starting to understand how it must feel to be English, bad personal hygiene and dentistry aside. Repeat this feeling for 17 years and the open top bus celebrations start to have some context… though I still reckon they overdid it.