Tag Archives: michael vaughan

Bad Captains all round

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I wish I’d posted this on Thursday night, cause now it just appears a lame attempt to cash in on hindsight, but believe me when Greame Smith won the toss I said to my wife “he’s gotta bat”.

So.. “I think we’ll have a bowl, looks like there’s a bit in this one for the pacemen” comes out Smith. “YOU FREAKING MORON” I yell at the telly, to little reaction from the head South African fatman. Vaughan 1, Smith 0.

Then they hand the mike to Vaughan who thinks he’s got the rough end of the toss, and implies that he also wanted to have a bowl. Gamemanship perhaps, or was he also swayed by the lack of low lying cloud and the pretty much picture perfect batting conditions? Vaughan 1, Smith 1

So, an opening stand of 114 followed by Vaughan leaving a straight one and it’s on for KP and ding-dong to put on 286 for the 4th wicket. Yep, think this might have been a good wicket to have a bat on.

South Africa all out for 247 in 93.3 overs, adding insult to injury is KP taking the last wicket with his part time Off-Spinners that weren’t good enough to hold down a regular number 8 spot in the Natal Dolphins, you know, cause he’s white.

So.. Vaughan makes his second mistake and enforces the follow on. Sure you’ve got them out cheaply, but after 93.3 overs your pacemen must be feeling it. Why not let the quicks hit the beauty sallons and update their myspace profiles while you bat yourself into form? Vaughan 1, Smith 2

But not Vaughan, clearly having spent the last day in the field and reading one of Steve Waugh’s tour diaries between sessions. He’s going for mental disintegration and the flavour of choice is INNINGS VICTORY.

So, he thinks his quicks have enough left in the tank to bowl out the Proteas again, despite having toiled for 63 overs between the 3 of them in the last day.

Then after eating Frogs Legs in the innings break Vaughan opens with the ultimate surrender tactic, he gives the new ball to Monty and KP! Sure Monty got 4 wickets in the first innings, including McKenzie, so you could perhaps argue some merit in giving him a go early on (say 6th over if nothing’s happening for the quicks), but to waste the new ball with two spinners on a mundane pitch? Please. Vaughan 1, Smith 3

Come the 14th over of the day and it’s time for Sidebottom to get a shot. Sure the ball’s a bit soft now and the shine is worn, and he’s tired, and the batsmen are set, but at least he’s getting a bowl. No real suprise the breakthrough doesn’t come until the second new ball.

This test will most likely end in a draw, but it’ll be South Africa who take the momentum out of it. and their much vaunted pace attack will want to get some more practice in with the Duke before the second test commences.

Tis the season to bash Pommies

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Deck the halls with Poms for bashing. Tra-la-lalala lala la la. The time is ripe to lay in the yule tide boot which reminded me of this Kiwi vodka advert which makes admirable effort.While bashing Poms has long been one of my favourite hobbies, at least they used to make it a challenge. It’s hard to put into words just how pathetic their effort in the second test in Sri Lanka has been, fortunately the Left Arm Chinaman has taken care of that thankless task

Well. Just when you thought that the viscous, pulsating flow of faeces that constitutes life couldn’t get any thicker, the England cricket team thicken the mix by collapsing to 21 all out.

Yes, a stirling performance by the great unwashed to welcome in the rebuilt Galle ground. After watching Jayawardene accumulate 213 not out, the Lankans declared on 499 leaving 8 overs before lunch to find that the benine pitch they’d been milking for 7 sessions is in fact possessed.

Vaughan played a captains knock and led his men from the front with a hard earned run before shouldering arms to one that trapped him in front. With just 5 overs to go till the lunch break one could have been forgiven for showing caution, however Vaughan had asked for a collapse and his loyal followers were eager to provide just that. Cook was inspirational and orchestrated the run out of Ding Dong Bell before surrendering his own wicket in the 6th over. Not even saffa pom could stop the rout, falling to Malinga the next over. Lunch was kind enough to find them 4/22 needing just 277 to avoid the follow on.

Collingwood held up an end in defiance of Vaughan’s orders however wickets steadily fell at the other end before the collapse was complete at the 81 marker. Had the not been kind enough to provide 12 extras a total of 69 was on the cards.

So.. they’ve got two days to find some backbone and learn to bat, otherwise we’ll be seeing a change in the world rankings with Sri Lanka climbing to 2 and the Poms dropping to 5. Nice.