Tag Archives: kevin pietersen

KP anoints Warney as English Coach

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Captain and Coach

Captain and Coach

KP was so confident that his mutinous plan would succeed that he’d already found a new coaching dream team to replace Peter Moores.

According to reports, the industrious big Kev had been working on third party sponsorship to fund his coup through talks with an unnamed wealthy businessman, and all that remained was for the board to approve the scheme.

KP’s old Hampshire captain Shane Warne was to be head coach, former Victorian captain Darren Berry his assistant, and former England all-rounder Jeremy Snape as team psychologist charged with managing KP’s ego. This of course the same coaching team that won the IPL last year, though Warney would be unlikely to qualify as Captain/Coach for England.

Unfortunately for Kevin, the wheels came off his master plan pretty quickly. It seems the board would like to be involved in the appointment of coaching staff. Perhaps they’d like to even speak to new candidates before their cowboy of a captain seals the deal on their behalf.

Also, there’s the problem that Warney is not interested in becoming the English and Welsh mentor, unless an offer was so “financially outrageous it would be impossible to refuse.”

The Harris Factor

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Harris doesn’t look the greatest bowler in the world, however the Rhodesian born off-spinner now has 49 Test Wickets and amongst them are some names that would make Cameron White cry.

The guy is stock standard left-arm orthodox bowler, and from watching him I can’t help but feel he does not deserve to carry the scalps of the best players of spin in the modern game, such as

  • K Pietersen (twice), once on 94
  • V Sehwag (twice)
  • S Ganguly
  • Inzamam-ul-Haq
  • VVS Laxman
  • MS Dhoni
  • CH Gayle
  • SR Tendulkar
  • Yuvraj Singh
  • MJ Clarke
  • A Symonds

Some bloke on the radio yesterday presented a workable theory on the Harris Factor. Apparently the guy is a complete wánker. Whether he learnt this strategy from Harbajahn or is a total knob jockey at heart I’m not sure, but giving the ball to the biggest prick in the team and letting him loose seems to be reaping dividends.

Mind you, it’s no small feat out-árseholing Smith, Kallis, and Nel, but apparently it’s his unique combination of lacking variation and skill mixed with his constant appeals as if to suggest to the batsmen that he could get you out at any time that has the worlds best batsmen drowning in honey.

His stats back this up as well, with 70% of his victims being caught in the field believing that they could hit this annoying piece of saffa shít into next week.

Paul Harris method of dismissal

Paul Harris method of dismissal