After observing the Seth Efrikaans scrum coming off second best to a revived Wallabies outfit, the Kiwi’s have resorted to pre-match referee influencing 101 with “but they cheat!” Hardly revelations, but it’s a line that has been well spun before, most notably by Jake White and his rainbow entourage.

The latest accusations are led by former Kiwi prop John Drake, who has assumed position as un-official spokesperson for the All Blecks front row, clearly perceiving them as a weakness and requiring a spokesperson to influence the referee. The story goes that our front row’s high body position during the “Crouch” causes the opposition pack to have to come up which puts them off.

Obviously not one to let physics get in the way of a good scrummage, Drake is ideally qualified to comment considering he watched the game on TV. He goes on to say “They probably cheated at scrum time.” Strong words indeed.

For the sake of clarity, here is IRB Law 20 (i)

A crouched position is the extension of the normal stance by bending the knees sufficiently to move into the engagement without a charge.

To Summarise, Knees bent = No cheat.

Someone slightly closer to the team, the Blecks forwards coach Steve Hansen has weighed in questioning the manner in which Burgess “spun the ball into the scrum.” Checking the relevant law, 20.6 (b)

The scrum half must hold the ball with both hands, with its major axis parallel to the ground and to the touchline over the middle line between the front rows, mid-way between knee and ankle.

Hansen may in fact have a point, if indeed Burgess is spinning the ball in rather than rolling it. Will have to check the footage on this one to be sure.

Well, on the oh so delicate subject of cheating, now that Richie McCheat is unfit we need to start some accusations of our own. Here’s a few to get started

Rodney Rodney So’olialo – lying all over the ball
Jerome Kaino – offside at lineout
Daniel Braid – doing it all night, all night ref
Andrew Hore – doesn’t throw straight
Ali Williams – grabbing the man in the air
Brad Thorn – throws people on their back causing unrelated groin injuries
Tony Woodcock – collapses scrum, weak as piss
Greg Sommerville – boring in
Anthony Tuitavake – late tackles
Ma’scar’a Nonu – drug cheat
Richard Kahui – not back 10m from free kick
Sitiveni Sivivatu – wife beater
Dan Carter – entire team in front of kicker