The guy is stock standard left-arm orthodox bowler, and from watching him I can’t help but feel he does not deserve to carry the scalps of the best players of spin in the modern game, such as

• K Pietersen (twice), once on 94
• V Sehwag (twice)
• S Ganguly
• Inzamam-ul-Haq
• VVS Laxman
• MS Dhoni
• CH Gayle
• SR Tendulkar
• Yuvraj Singh
• MJ Clarke
• A Symonds

Some bloke on the radio yesterday presented a workable theory on the Harris Factor. Apparently the guy is a complete wánker. Whether he learnt this strategy from Harbajahn or is a total knob jockey at heart I’m not sure, but giving the ball to the biggest prick in the team and letting him loose seems to be reaping dividends.

Mind you, it’s no small feat out-árseholing Smith, Kallis, and Nel, but apparently it’s his unique combination of lacking variation and skill mixed with his constant appeals as if to suggest to the batsmen that he could get you out at any time that has the worlds best batsmen drowning in honey.

His stats back this up as well, with 70% of his victims being caught in the field believing that they could hit this annoying piece of saffa shít into next week.

Paul Harris method of dismissal

I disagree. While they have some brilliant quicks boasting impressive career figures, once you take them away from home and remove the minnows of Bangladesh and Zimbabwe they’re quickly bought back down to earth. What

• Dale Steyn – Right-arm fast
  Career: 27 Tests, 136 Wickets at 22.67
  Excluding Minnows, away from home: 9 Tests, 40 Wickets at 27.68
• Makhaya Ntini – Right-arm fast
  Career: 93 Tests, 369 at 27.69
  Excluding Minnows, away from home: 37 Tests, 119 Wickets at 36.48
• Morne Morkel – Right-arm fast
  12 Tests, 40 Wickets at 30.92
  Excluding Bangladesh his figures are 8 Tests yielding 19 Wickets at 45.6

• Jacques Kallis – Right-arm fast-medium
  Career: 125 Tests, 245 Wickets at 30.92
  Excluding Minnows, away from home: 51 Tests, 92 Wickets at 35.86
• Monde Zondeki – Right-arm fast
  Career: 6 Tests, 19 Wickets at 25.26
  Excluding Minnows, away from home: 4 Tests, 7 Wickets at 47.57

So, 4 right-arm quicks offering no variety and ordinary performances away from home. Their Spearhead, Dale Steyn had been, in my estimation, the best quick in world cricket until he toured England a few months ago. Now he’ll really have to lift his game to match Brett Lee and the rapidly improving Mitchell Johnson.

They’ve left out Andre Nel, and while I’ve not closely followed the Saffa scene I do recall him being omitted from a recent Bangladeshi tour due to his whiteness. Perhaps the stigma associated with his being dropped for Charl Langaveldt then is still around? Either way, they’re a weaker side without his aggression and passion, and he’ll be sorely missed by the Aussie crowds in need of a villain.

Compare this to the variety offered by the Aussie pace attack:

• Brett Lee ; right-arm fast

• Mitchell Johnson ; left-arm fast
• Stuart Clark ; right-arm McGrath
• Shane Watson ; right-arm male model

Here’s to a cracking series, and to no Perth Based Saffa ex-pats yelling racist remarks and tarnishing Australian crowds with their brush.