Category Archives: Best Bits

These are what I feel to be the picks of Beer and Sport.

Baggy Greens getting Spanked

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Smugness Well it’s come to this. I’m normally silent when we’re losing, but am breaking through the pain barrier to share my grief. There is no silver lining – we’re getting spanked, and not in a Peter Roebuck sexual deviant kind of way either. India have bent us over their knee and given us a proper rogering this Test.

It was a good toss to win, but so was the toss we won in Bonnydoon or whatever they’re calling Bangalore this month.

Rudi Koetzen is having a barry crocker. He’s happy to refer 4′s to the third umpire but when it comes to a close stumping on Ganguly he’ll just say not out. Turns out Gangers foot was in the air as Haddin removed the bails, and Gangers went on to notch up a hundred, so yes this did hurt Australia. It’s the worst mistake the Colonel has made since not referring Kumble’s caught and bowled on Ponting in Bonnydoon, though that mistake only cost India 10 runs.

The writing was on the wall for Australia when Kumble was dropped. Not only do they get a proper leggie in Mishra who turns it a mile, has 300 domestic wickets, and possesses one hell of a deceptive wrongun, but they get Dhoni as captain who has inspired them in the field and suddenly remembered how to bat. Assuming his fitness returns Kumble may get to carry the drinks in the third test.

Credit must go to the Indian Batsmen, though it must be said if they were to have any concers, it should be all of their batsmen making starts on a road against undisciplined bowling and not going on with it. Still, to have a question mark over the batting and make 470, it could be worse.

And by worse, I mean Australia. Hayden failed again, and this time he can’t blame the umpire. Had Jaques not gone home with a buggered back he would be looking good for the 3rd test. I was most upset when Hussey gave Clarke the strike for the last over on Day 3, as Clarke is now officially a final over bunny. Each time he goes out right before stumps I die a little inside. Hussey has ridden one hell of a lot of luck and still only made 50. Ponting went to the new ball that Hayden shouldn’t be exposing him too, probably too early to judge.

This is hardly news, but we are sorely missing a quality spinner. White has bowled better than expected, but I expected him to bowl 3 pies per over and he has only delivered 1 every 12 balls. So he’s been tight, but not threatening. Mishra has given him a lesson in turn, deception and bounce.

Johnson must have pissed Punter off, cause as our best paceman in both tests he would have expected to get the new ball. Siddle must be the chosen one in Pontings eyes, and his treatment couldn’t be further from that given to Tait, who was hyped all week in the press then held back till the last over before lunch on a juicy WACA wicket. He has bowled pretty well on debut, with lots of short stuff and the standard Victorian debutant first wicket of Tendulkar, but in truth offers little difference from Lee and really Bollinger should be there.

A fit Stuart Clark is sorely sorely missed. Nesta best articulated what he provides to the side

It’s been a long time since we haven’t had a clever back of the length bowler in the team – McGrath debuted in ‘93 – and although the Indians have problems too, this is the least confident I’ve been about a winning a Test since petrol broke the 50 cent barrier.

The only department in which Australia have been ahead is bums on seats – we’ve got a clear majority for paying patrons. If it weren’t for the Mohalians giving away free seats to kiddies Tendulkar would have broken the record in front of 240 travelling Aussies and his Mum.

Jim Maxwell and Spanky were on the radio and went into some detail on how one goes about securing a ticket to the match. You have to go to a bank in central Mohali and buy a 5 day pass. There is no single day pass, and no option to buy a ticket at the ground. The bank was presumably closed on Sunday. Go India.

Viddy Blog – Kefu’s Try

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Vodafone Australia recently held a competition which was to recreate a Golden Bledisloe Moment.

Inspired by the Aethiest’s viddy-blogs, my wife and I choose to redo Toutai Kefu’s match winning try from the 2001 Bledisloe Cup in Sydney.

The comp was meant to be judged on 3/10/08 at 3pm but as yet there’s been no announcement of who won the trip for 4 to Hong Kong on 1/11/08. Well fingers crossed ;)

ELV Insanity Continues

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The ELV’s were designed in Stellenbosch by a panel appointed by the IRB and led by Rod MacQueen. Perversely, the reason for their design was to simplify the game of Rugby. While this simplification may eventually lead to less confusion around the contest for possession, it’s the manner and timing of their implementation that has led to this current state of insanity.

I’ve spent half the afternoon when I should have been working putting together this handy table of which ELV’s apply and when. Perhaps the teams, players and referees can print it out and refer to it at the bottom of mauls and when passing the ball back into their 22.

My biggest beef with the implementation of these new laws is, as with all things IRB, politics. The laws were trialled in the 2007 ARC and the players, referees, coaches, media and IRB observers all agreed they were mostly good, however there was contention over the ability to pull down mauls.

As such, the Super 14 adopted the new laws minus the pulling down of mauls. All rejoiced at the greater understanding at the breakdown, the extra minutes of ball in play, the increased turnovers in the constant battle for possession. We were happy that the fundamentals of the game hadn’t changed – it was still a game for all body types, dominant scrums still dominated, and Richie McCaw was still a cheat.

Now we find ourselves having blooded the ELV’s at ARC, Currie Cup, NPC and Super 14 levels. It’s been an overwhelming success. Alas, bar the Scots, the Northern Hemisphere have shown little to no interest. The Poms (especially Jeremy Clarkson) seem to believe the whole ELV ‘scandal’ is one perpetrated by Australians in order to make their scrum competitive. Fair point, our scrum has been woeful in recent memory, but perhaps one could watch a game of the Super 14 before passing judgment.

After a great Super 14 season we now find ourselves at the June Internationals with the Northerners coming south in search of Winter. To appease them we’re going to revert to the old laws. Yep, for 6 weeks only the all you can eat 3 point penalties are back on the menu. If we’re lucky England and South Africa can replay the RWC final.

So, what to do for the Tri Nations then? SANZAR have pulled a rabbit out of the hat here by seamlessly sliding back to ELV’s, but for good measure pulling out a further two ELV’s. Until this point SANZAR had making the best of the situation, but why the f’uck would they introduce 2 extra ELV’s and not the final 3 ELV’s?

Now we’ll go from 8 to 0 to 10 to 13 ELV’s.

Here’s an example of the clarity that the ELV’s have given us. The 1st rule determined that Touch Judges should be referred to as Assistant Referees for the Super 14. The period between 1st May and 17th July they’ll revert to Touch Judges for the June International Tests, before switching back to Assistant Referees within SANZAR while retaining the Touch Judge title elsewhere for the Tri-Nations period. From the 1st August they’ll be Assistant Referees everywhere. Glad we cleared that up.

If you’re interested in what these new laws actually are, here’s the list of
2008 Super 14 ELV’s and heres the Final ELV List from August 1s 08

I believe…

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What a superb year it’s been to be a New south Welshman. First the Pura Cup, and now a Super 14 Final. The Waratah’s have been awesome this year, and the entire team and coaching staff deserve our congratulations. It’s hard to pick standouts as the team effort has been phenomonal. But I’ll try anyway.

Usually at times like this I’d manipulate the stats until they’re in our favour, making a convincing argument for why we’re going in with an advantage. While this is generally an easy task with the Baggy Greens and do-able with the Wallabies, in terms of Super Rugby at Jade Stadium it would be an excercise in futility. Apart from blatantly making stuff up there’s no favourable spin I can put on this trip – each metric is stacked massively in favour of the Cantabrians.

With the old chesnuts of prior form, stats and bookie’s odds abandoning me, I’ve instead chosen instead to appeal to Patriotism, Team Spirit, and Awesomeness. Damn, we’ve made the final.. is it too much to believe that we could go one more game?

Our scrum has had the best year in memory, always gaining parity and some weeks being totally dominant – winning against the feed (2 x stormers, 1 x reds). It’s hard to seperate the names from some prior acts against England, however Matt Dunning and Al Baxter have been superb at tighthead, while Benn Robinson has really matured this year to be a combative loosehead. TPN’s throwing is much improved, and his impact at the breakdown can’t be underestimated.while Adam Freier’s pick and go’s are a highlight of his play in the loose.

Dean Mumm while scoring a bunch of tries himself with powerful runs and strong palm-offs has really come of age to make a potent combination with Aussie Dan, who will be sorely missed. Dan’s going to be a monumental loss to the Tahs and Wallabies respectviely, any world XV would have him and Victor locking down.

The backrow have used the ELV’s to their fullest, winning vital turnovers. Phil has been tackling anything that moves, often moving into the backline so he can put the smackdown on an unsuspecting centre. Legal agression has been a standout of our play, with massive hits being dealt out while maintaining an excellent disciplanary record. Two of the hardest men around – Jerry Collins and AJ Venter can speak first hand of the dominance of Beau and Palu in this area after they were both given a comprehensive lesson in pain.

Luke Burgess has been a revelation at scrum-half. His pace electric, decision making astute and ability to back himself provided the Tahs with some much needed spark. Perhaps the biggest difference he makes however is the basics of scrum-halfing. He gobbles all the shit ball that comes out the back of the scrum and serves up a golden platter for Kurtley. For me the highlight of his year was in attrocious conditions in Pretoria where a slipery ball was flying all over the place, yet he somehow managed to clean it up for Kurts to concentrate on distributing. Plus it’s satisfying to take one back from the Brumbies. Josh who?

Much of our success this year has come in spite of poor kicking. I don’t blame Kurtley for this however, in fact I think he’s had a wonderful season. He seems to have learnt to do less when required, happy to get the forwards to run it up rather than go for the hero try every play. He’s playing percentage rugby and growing each game into a fine distributor. I even think he’ll turn into a fine kicker, he’s just not there yet. I’ve maintained all along that letting Peter Hewat go with a year remaining on his contract was a mistake, I still don’t know how but we’ve made the final!

Tom Carter is another who’s efforts have been mostly under-rated though he’s picked up some positive press in recent weeks. His hard running, solid defence and resiliance to injuries have provided a bankable inside centre that gets the job done.

Rob Horney, well what a champunisher. As the 2nd quickest guy in the country he manages to rush opposition defences and has put on some memorable hits on opposite numbers. Just last week he gave Francois injured ribs a real test, as well as smashing the Sharks 13 for a vital turnover that led to Lote’s try.

Lote Tuqiri has had his best season ever. Always drawing in two tacklers and sometimes that’s not enough. He’s not scared to get involved in the dirty work, and has been a real leader amongst such a young backline. Richie McCaw, if you’re reading please pull Lote’s hair. Pump Up Lote.

Lachie Turner has had a mixed season. Some call it second season blues, while I’d argue he’s just had some bad weeks while being mostly awesome. He’s been much better since returning to the wing, I reckon his kicking out of hand has been a bit of a weakness at the back, however that’ll improve with experience. Full marks for his payout on Waratah Jesus, was worth the price of admission. Funny f’ucker.

Sam Norton-Knight’s return from injury – he’s proved to be a reliable kicking option and reliever of pressure, as well as astute positional play at fullback. He’s also provided spark at different times moving into flyhalf and mixing up the attacking patterns, and helped Kurtley defend that 10/12 channel when required.

A team is only ever as good as their bench, and in a competition as demanding as the Super 14. David Lyons, Timana Tahu, Beau Robinson, Will Caldwell, Brett Sheehan, Alfi Mafi, and Ben Jacobs have all played their part in getting us to the final.

Finally, Sir Les Kiss take a bow. You certainly get my vote for coach of the year. Our defensive structures have been superb all year and have most definately got us where we are today.

It may well be a fantasy world that I’m living in but I believe I can fly. I believe we can beat the Crusaders. Well, maybe I can fly. Damn it, I’m going to Christchurch to support the team! Go The Tahs!