Bugger, now I feel like a Tooheys.. but not two, no-one would make that mistake twice!

Hat-tip to Cricket-Blog for digging this one up.

There’s further details of what I know so far over at Green and Gold Rugby, but at least this time I’m being asked to go on the ground, quite a change from last time…….

To set the scene, I’d been drinking beers at The Oval with 1,000 of my closest friends whom I never yet met.. the Kiwi’s put up a pitiful ODI performance and the game finished several hours early. Let me make it clear I would never do this during a game, however in the context of the match being over and about 200 other ANZACS giving it a shot, it was all good fun.

Here’s the story on cricinfo where you’ll find the quote “It was no-holds-barred stuff – many of the tackles on show would have resulted in a sin-binning had they taken place on the rugby field, and there are doubtless some bruised bodies this morning”.

It’s certainly something I’d never do at home in Australia.. the fines are HUGE. I was told by security as they were kicking me out that if I did it at the Oval again I’d be fined 10 pounds. The guy wasn’t happy when I pulled out a tenner and said take this if I can have another go

To get an idea of our sobriety you just need listen to the commentary by my mate who is filming, and also appreciate the section of the video where he goes artistic and starts filming in portrait. Gold Timbo, Gold.

I got pretty hammered by security, you’ll see the cop run in with a boot and hear the whole crowd go Ooooowwwwwww

Your Shout

Most countries with beer cultures have unwritten rules about how to act and behave in the pub. To many who travel to Australia from the USA or Europe (UK excluded), the culture and behavior of drinkers may be, somewhat in lack of a better word, “foreign”. Australian readers will be familiar with these rules, but for everyone else they are as follows;

1. Always keep your beer in your hand, touching your plate or as close to the edge of the table as possible. Don’t leave it in the middle of the table as this can become confusing when many people are drinking at the table.
This could be dangerous and lead to spilt beer. I like to leave my beer at the back right hand corner of my plate, or if there’s no plate then it stays one elbow to hand length from the edge, usually with my hand lurking about 1 inch from the beer to stand guard while not imparting any undue heat from my beer into the hand.

2. Free beer should always be consumed at a pace greater than that of a beer which had been bought by you or someone in your shouting party.
One can never complain about the brand of free beer, only the temperature at which it’s served.

3. Never accept a beer if you do not intend to shout on that evening. Shouting “next time” is not acceptable no matter how much interest is involved. This leaves the rest of your drinking party agitated and they will say bad things about you after you leave, or if they’ve had a few this may lead to violence.
I agree in principle, however there are exceptions to this rule. I have a workmate and we have a pub lunch every Tuesday and Friday, where three beers are consumed. There’s no option for a fourth beer cause we have to go back to work, so we alternate the third beer. This is by unspoken arrangement but works flawlessly.

4. Even worse than the previous rule is accepting beers from the drinking party and then just buying one for yourself when it is your turn. If you make it home without at least one broken bone you should consider yourself lucky!
Scum act, is castration too harsh?

5. If you are falling behind in the rounds, complaining that you ate too much is not a legitimate excuse. You should have foreseen the night of drinking ahead and not filled your beer stomach with food. The beer stomach must be kept separate from the food stomach at all times.
For the weak of stomach I have no problem with them opting out of having a round bought for them, however they’re still up for a full shout when it comes around to their turn. They also accept they’re be called “lemonade sandwich” for the remainder of the session as nothing is softer than a lemonade sandwich apart from AJ Whalley.

6. If the beer is served in a stubbie, pouring it into a glass to drink is simply not acceptable.
It’s already in a glass, why pour it into another (warmer) glass? Coopers could be the exception here, on occasion, due to the brewed in the bottle process, assuming that the glass is chilled. I used laugh at the air hostesses on QANTAS flights who offer me a plastic cup to pour the Crownie into, I’m only drinking Crown Lager because it’s in a bottle! Now they sell it in Aluminium Crownie shaped ‘cans’.. weird.

7. It is a well understood obligation that slower drinkers in a shout must attempt to keep pace with the faster members of a shout, so as to avoid bad feelings and cries of “Hurry up,” “Beer Queer,” etc.
If they don’t keep up then they a beer queue will form, soon enough all they’ll be drinking warm beer, and they can’t leave until they finish all this warm beer. Shame.

8. Changing drinks on people during a shout is considered poor form. I.e., shouting everyone VBs then asking for a Crownie or other “boutique” beer on the return leg.
As is switching to spirits mid round or adding in a shooter. These can be done as side pursuits so long as they don’t infringe on your round obligations.

9. Guinness is to be served in an appropriate receptacle, i.e. a pint glass. Anything else is simply unacceptable.

10. When drinking, it is bad manners to talk up your drinking ability when you are not going to perform. This includes the oft observed phrase, “I may not be able to drink much beer, but I’d kill you on Vodka / Bourbon / Scotch,” etc.
If you’re that fúcking tough then go to Lithuania and drink straight Vodka all night. You’re in a beer shout here so harden the fúck up.

11. NEVER, EVER drink so slow as to allow a beer to warm up.
And if you do let your beer go warm, your punishment is to finish it, and the warm beers lining up after it. Even if it’s warm enough to add a tea bag and make a cuppa. You wont make that mistake twice.

12. Beer from a tap must be drunk in the largest available beer glass of the establishment at all times, e.g. middie to be superseded by a schooner, pint to be superseded by a stein.
Bring on the yardies, and death to Schmiddies and those who peddle their 5/8ths of shame at schooner prices (I’m looking at you Bungalow 8).
I’ll add in a tropical exception to this rule – when it’s over 35C it’s permissible to get into a middy shout, so long as there is no bar line and the shout keeps moving.

13. Toohey’s or any brand of American beer should never be attempted to passed off as actual beer, unless obvious insult to the recipient/recipients is intended.
However, if it’s the only beer available at the rugby in plastic cups every effort shall be made to drink as much as possible. Additionally, every trip to the bar one should order 4 Coopers just to let the underskilled bar staff know you’re drinking cats píss under sufferance.

14. One’s perceived beer drinking ability should not be in any way overshadowed by the frequency with which one visits the lavatory for urinary purposes. The idea is beer consumption, not beer retention.
Though if you siphon the python too frequently you’re leaving yourself open to nicknames such as “Girls Bladder” and “Princess” hey Guido..

15. Stubbies must always be bought over cans unless there is storage or transport issues.
I’ll add in breakage issues – tinnies on boats, or in spas/pools at the discretion of the boat/spa/pool owner.

16. Knocking over someone else’s beer will only be tolerated if there is a full replacement on the table in an acceptable amount of time.
If your beer is spilt by someone and they immediately apologise and offer to replace it, you have no recourse to get píssed off no matter how much you now look like you’ve píssed your pants. Swings and Roundabouts.

17. Ambient temperature has no bearing whatsoever on the desire to consume beer. The day being “too cold” is never an excuse to get out of beer drinking.
Ambient temperature can only determine the style of beer consumed. If it’s too cold then drink a stout.

18. No matter how much money is earned by each of the party members the same shouting rules apply, unless one of the more “well-off” members insists on re-shouting. However, this in no way implies a future obligation to repeat the form.
There’s no room for communism in a shout, besides, the bloke earning more pays more tax which funds the road you got to the pub on. No need to sting him again in the shout.

19. Usually a shout is consumed at the pace of the fastest drinker, however if you’re a known “speed starter” then grab yourself an “in betweeny”. It’s not reasonable to smash your first three pints in 10 minutes, Dooma! The “in betweeny” or “side beer” is a very practical alternative to the straight shout when drinking with a group of women, drivers or queers.

Your Shout!

In recent times it has become widely available on tap, I’d say the majority of pubs in NSW now offer it and it’s my first choice pub beer. Cases can be picked up for $40 – $55 if you look around. I guess the higher pricepoint for such a period of time makes people think of it as a premium beer, that they now sell it at the same price as VB/New/Carlton makes it seem a bargain. I’ve always thought it a bloody good beer and have been happy to pay a little more for it.. mind you I’m not complaining!

According to Hopsy

The South Australian brewer is responsible for some of the finest beer in the country. The Original Pale Ale is naturally fermented in the ‘Burton-on-Trent’ style, then a secondary fermentation creates the trademark sediment that gives ‘Pale’ its fine cloudy appearance. This beer has no as no additives or preservatives and has a 4.5% alcohol volume. As the beer has natural sediment, the beer is best served by rolling the beer along a bench gently to mix the sediment before drinking. The sediment is quite natural and adds a bit of flavour to this delightful beer.

To translate and simplify this from my very limited knowledge (corrections and elaboration is more than welcome in the comments), Water, Hops and Sugar and mixed in a huge copper fermentation tank, then Yeast is sprinkled on top. After several weeks at room temperature primary fermentation finishes when the yeast has converted all the sugar into alcohol. We now have warm flat beer, suitable for export to the UK.
This is poured into the same bottles that will be eventually sold. A teaspoon of sugar (likely Dextrose) is then added into each bottle and the caps are crowned on. The yeast in the beer gets another feed from this new sugar, producing carbon-dioxide. With the cap on the bottle, pressure builds up and forces bubbles into the beer.

By contrast, kegged beer doesn’t require secondary fermentation, as once the beer is poured into the keg high pressure CO2 is connected for a few day until the beer is bubbly enough. I have no idea how the kegged Coopers Original Pale Ale is carbonated, but would love to find out.

Bullshit. Tonight 17000 champions rocked that ground. Sure, there were some gaps, there are like 90000 seats, but bugger me if there wasn’t atmosphere on tap. Did I mention full strength beer, and even a variety of choices. The staple was Toohey’s New, $6 in a plastic cup, but they also had Becks, Heineken and Squires for $7.50. Funny thing, didnt’ see a single person too pissed, no fight, and no-one ejected that I saw for drunkeness.

Another great thing was the police/securaty presence. About 1/100th of what they have at the SCG for an ODI/Test, and shock horror, everybody lived. Thing only went for 3 hours so no real time for venomous beer snakes, they could have your eye out you know. They didn’t even try to ban the wave, crowd got bored with that pretty quick thouhg, there was quality cricket to be seen.

Quiney played his arse off for hte Vics and set us one hell of a target, I would have loved to see him bring up his century, he sure as hell deserved one for that knock. Funny times at the end when Tubby completely farked up, saying words something like “well done to Quiney who we’d like to give man o fthe match to…. ” Quiney walks up … “but we instead are giving it to Rorher.”. Top effort Tubs. DIckhad.,

Brett Rohrer got man of hte match, I probably would make him share it with a Bird. Came in at the same time as Thornley and were both 0(0). At the time we eneeded 72 off about 30 somethign, and were deep up sh1t creek with no paddle in sight.

There was speculation that McDonald bowling to Thornley would see the Ranga-on-ranga effect, kind of like putting the north poles of two magnets together. Didn’t eventuate, but who said Twenty 20 cricket obesy the laws of physics?

Top knock by Brett Rohrer, champion effort. Kudos to Thornley as well, his pivotal role gave us the wickets in hand at hte end, and his 4 made it so. Bit of ablemish getting out 3rd last ball though, but I’ll rmeember his cheeky 4′s off Dirty Dirk – funny as.

The tension at the end of the game was the most I’ve experienced at a limited overs match. Last over and we needed 9 with Harwood bowling. Two off the first then a wide that was 15mm shy of leg stump, and we’re needing 6(4). Dominic Thornley chips one off his legs fine for 4 and it’s 2(3). The Harwood clean bowls him, Fark Me! 2(2) and Daniel Smith, the keeper we kept with McCullum in the side is to face. Straight to mid-on, misfield, quick single. One to go. Rohrer on strike for the last ball of the match. Scores Level. Missed it, to the keeper. They run, keeper misses, bowles relays on to the stumps. Did he have his bat down? Blues think they’ve won it. Ground Announcer thinks they’ve won. 3rd umpire takes an eternity while the ground announcer is waxing lyrical about our win. He’s safe! GO NUTS! FARK YEAH GO THE BLUES!!!! NEW SOUTH WALES, NEW SOUTH WALES!!!

Blues win by 5 wickets. And McCullum did fark all so the Vics have less excuse. Did I mention we got fulls trength beer?

I honestly can’t see myself pumped to watch another ODI live, and I’m saying this in the middle of an intriguing series between us and the saffas.

We received a homebrew kit as a wedding present back in April (thanks Clive!), and since then I’ve been really getting into making my own beers. So far I’ve produced 20 litres of

• Morgans Lager ; included with the kit
• 3 x Aussie Pale Ale (ND Brewing live wort)
• Black Rock Apple cider (for the missus)
• 3 x European Premium Lager (with varying Hops and Yeast)
• Black Rock Pilsener Blonde

After the first batch I realised that washing the bottles would be the quickest killer of any motivation, so I built myself a Kegorator. More on that in another blog post. The beer is tasting fantastic and I’m loving the challenge of brewing the perfect beer.

A quick google search for “Aussie Beer Blog” was all it took, and there’s a wealth of content out there on Aussie Beer, Homebrewing and Events. Too much to digest all in one sitting it would seem, so I’ve added a new category to the blogroll, and will be looking forward to updates from

• Beer Blokes is a blog worth bottling. These guys even went to the MCG recently, Beer and Cricket, I’m sold.
• Hoppsy is all about the beer.
• RealBeerAU has Australian Beer and Brewing News.
• the Local Tap House is a blog for a beer cafe in St Kilda/Darlinghurst with 40 beers on tap and a real passion for the fermented beverage
• Beer Matt, is the editor for Beer and Brewer Magazine, has a regular radio slot for a beer show on Brisbane Radio and looking at his magazine’s recent cover, the title is “Beer and Sport”. His latest blog is on how to better appreciate beer. What’s not to like!
  ]]> http://beerandsport.net/beer-blogs/feed/ 9 http://beerandsport.net/heineken-advert-walk-in-fridge/ http://beerandsport.net/heineken-advert-walk-in-fridge/#comments Thu, 15 Jan 2009 01:33:53 +0000 Moses http://beerandsport.net/?p=851 Thanks to Prue for emailing this one through, keep your hands off my heiny
  ]]> http://beerandsport.net/heineken-advert-walk-in-fridge/feed/ 1 http://beerandsport.net/beer-and-sport-legends/ http://beerandsport.net/beer-and-sport-legends/#comments Mon, 27 Oct 2008 23:44:08 +0000 Moses http://beerandsport.net/?p=239 Continue reading →]]> By now you’ve no doubt seen the shít-hot banner that adorns the header of Beer and Sport. No-one got onto this banner by accident, nor is their pose chosen at random.

  My mission that I’ve chosen to accept when there’s no cricket or rugby on is to blog on each member of the BnS Legends banner and explain my personal connection with each legend.

  Most of them are obviously from New South Wales, since we’re the only state breeding the big names. Many others have some sort of tenuous connection to the premier state, such that I’ve claimed them for the good ship NSW.

  There is one and only one exception per state or territory, ever. I’m currently seeking applications from SA, the NT and the ACT.

  I’ll be building an image-map on the banner, so you can click any of the heads and go straight to the blog post on that legend. Could take a while.

  ]]> http://beerandsport.net/beer-and-sport-legends/feed/ 4 http://beerandsport.net/mohali-massacre-day-4/ http://beerandsport.net/mohali-massacre-day-4/#comments Mon, 20 Oct 2008 23:58:21 +0000 Moses http://beerandsport.net/?p=174 Continue reading →]]> I continue the pain of reviewing the Mohali Massacre as it unfolds.

  First the positives

  • Michael Clarke didn’t get out in the last over of the day. For this we can thank Brad Haddin who farmed the strike for the last 12 balls, denying Clarke the opportunity to embarrass himself again.
  • Beer Bullet Points. I made a small pint act as the bullet point marker on BeerandSport.net. This is the only other positive thing to come out of day 4. Isn’t it grand..

  And a few negatives

  • Ponting’s public spat with Lee. Rick(y) wanted to make a very public point that he’d lost faith in his strike bowler. Surely these conversations can take place behind closed doors? Where’s the seige mentality? It’s us vs them, once we display for all to see that our unity is threatened, there’s not much left in the tank.
  • Ponting bowling Hussey for 8 overs. It was clear that we were waiting for an Indian declaration. The Indians had wisely maintained a Left/Right batting partnership to ensure the Aussie fielders had to move after each ball, and were going out of their way to fatigue us. So what the bloody hell possessed Rick to bowl Hussey for 8 full overs? Here’s a fúcking brainwave Einstein, lets fatigue the worlds number 1 ranked batsman by having him bowl 50 odd balls under the hot Indian sun. Sure he’s the bloke we’re expecting to farm a lions share of the responsibility for saving the match, surely he’d be better placed to do that with stiffness in his back and shoulders. What did you gain from bowling Hussey? Sure he was kind of tidy, though the Indians kept up the 4.75 rpo so really, on the balance, sweet fúck all. Maybe it was a futile attempt to restore some sense to the over rates.. though if you’re serious about those then don’t change the damn field after ever ball.
  • Troy Cooley. Specialist Bowling Coach. Uh Huh. Seems Troy is a specialist with the Duke and not too bad with the Kookaburra, but when it comes to the SG Ball he’s as clueless as Greg Chappell. The Indians appear to deliver the new SG with a crossed seam, but then only scuff up one side. Are they landing it on the same side each time, or are they doing a damn fine job of polishing the shiny side? Or do they have special mints? Sounds like a job for a bowling coach.
  • Aussie batting collapse. To lose one wicket in a short period is unlucky. Two is foolish. 3 is grossly negligent. 4 either side of a tea break, fúcking atrocious. And to let top knot make the breakthroughs, the pain of it all.
  • Matthew Hayden getting out I can understand, he was entertaining the idea of getting the runs and for a second there even I believed it was possible. So did the Indians, as they moved their field back, released pressure and scrambled to contain the onslaught. Still, if you look at the practice matches and two tests this is a run drought of note for the strong tall left handed fisherman cook from Queensland who occasionally plays a bit of cricket. Time to send an SOS to the Son Of Swampy.
  • Simon Fúcking Katich. His role in this batting line up is the immovable object. 22 off 187 balls, that’s the sort of mettle I wanna see from the Krab, not some completely and utterly shíthouse shot on the stroke of Lunch. What’s this? A ball passing gently by outside my off stump, perhaps I’ll spoon it to point, that’ll show em. Katich gets a two handed HULK SMASH for that písspoor match losing effort.
  • Ricky Ponting
    I had held out hope for hope for match saving Ricky of Manchester 2005, instead we got Ishant’s bítch Rick of Perth 2007. Well he scored some runs in the first test so he’s still in the clear.. but talking of EPIC FAILS:

    

  • Michael Hussey To be fair I’d stopped watching or caring at this point. I’ll give the Huss some benefit though cause some moron had him bowl 8 overs in the sun which would have done wonders for his legendary concentration.
  • Shane Watson did a pretty decent job and together with Michael Clarke stopped the rot. Shane’s proving to be a pretty useful batsman and has done more than enough to retain his place in the squad.
  • Brad Haddin has also done well, though I wouldn’t stick the house on our holding out past tea. Had we been 2 down at stumps then as Balls of Gold suggested, a sizeable wager on the draw could have been a good bet.

  To be dominated so completely with both the bat and ball, I’m starting to understand how it must feel to be English, bad personal hygiene and dentistry aside. Repeat this feeling for 17 years and the open top bus celebrations start to have some context… though I still reckon they overdid it.

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