Considering I can’t see the game, I thought I’d bring you some updates via the cricinfo ball by ball service and my thoughts on these developments from the first half of Day 1.

Hopefully unlike my T20 QBQ updates, I wont grow bored halfway through.. only time will tell. Refresh this post to see the latest…

12.55 pm | South Africa’s best-laid plans have taken a hit even before the start. Ashwell Prince got hit on his finger by Makhaya Ntini during a net session yesterday and has been ruled out of the Test. His bad luck hands JP Duminy his Test debut.

Wow, that’s a biggie! Prince was one hell of a rock in their middle order and we’ve never really had any luck in removing him. From memory he batted for ages at the WACA last time to save a Test. Big loss for the Proteas, I know fúck all about Duminy.

1pm | Ricky Ponting has won the toss and Australia will bat.

I know I said the toss doesn’t matter, but winning it is still a good thing. The Saffas know they are in the field because they are at our mercy, a state of mind that will (hopefully) last through the summer.

1:10pm | I’ve had some time to digest the Duminy appointment. This is unfortunate but has to be said. When Price was ruled out he had to be replaced with a quota player under South African law, so Duminy gets his debut. His domestic record is pretty decent, averaging 53.7 at a strike rate just under 50. One thing is certain, he can’t be as fúcking boring to watch as Prince.

1:24pm | Getting close now, I might have to do some work this arvo training which is most dissapointing. Will pull finger and get it done ASAP so the updates may continue. I really hope that Hayden tries something different like NOT SUCKING this match… or at least survive the first over..

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1:32pm | Curiously the Saffas have opened with Ntini, and he starts off with a Harmison tribute that pitches outside leg and moves away. Hayden seems to think his eye is in after 3 balls and smokes two drives to the boundary. At least he’s not out. Katto’s turn now.

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Both bowlers have been rusty in their first overs. Probably big-series nerves.

1:37pm | Steyn’s first over, one ball clocked at 142 kmh, which is undoubtably quick but he’s capable of 150+. Could take him a few overs to get into a rythym. Hayden still not out after two overs. Superb start.

Both bowlers have been rusty in their first overs. Probably big-series nerves.

1:40pm | Hayden continues to punish Ntini for anything overpitched with his 3rd 4. Katich continues to turn anything straight behind square for a single. Haydos still not out, amazing.

Ntini to Hayden, OUT, he’s got him! Fantastic comeback! Ntini hits the WACA pitch short of a length and gets the ball to rise and seam away from the left hander, Hayden pokes at it from his crease and gets an edge to Smith at first slip, easy catch for the South African captain, the change of line works immediately for Ntini, South Africa are stoked

1:41pm | Hayden you fúcking useless píece of queensland shít. Just retire and save us all the grief. Going out to the rápist as well, the indignity of it all. Hopefully Ponting does better than his form dictates.

Ntini to Ponting, OUT, Ponting goes first ball! Would you believe it! Ntini bowls a fuller ball on a length, he pitches it just outside off stump, Ponting goes hard at the ball off the front foot, he is looking to push on the off side but gets a thick edge to AB de Villiers who takes a low catch at gully

Feck me, what a freaking nightmare. Ntini on a hat-trick. Ponting out to a good ball he could have left, and another failure from the inbred captain.

Fortunately Hussey knows the deal, especially playing at home. As my fantasy team’s captain and wont let me down.. and yes, Huss avoids the hat-trick.

Well there you go, 15 minutes in and South Africa are well on top. Fortunately there’s a bunch of NSW players to come so we’ll still get a good total.

Steyn to Hussey, no run, 140kmh, Steyn pitches short of a length around off stump and seams it away from the left-hander, Hussey pokes at it without moving his feet and gets beaten

Sounds like Steyn is getting some good movement off the seam, no mention of it through the air though. Ntini taking out the two under performing Aussie batsmen with good balls, continuing his form from the nets where he knocked Prince out of the match.

Moses is doing a QBQ of the first test.

Cheers for the plug JRod, I remember looking at the beer and sports stats not long ago and 60% of my traffic comes from http://www.cricketwithballs.com/ ! Superb effort.

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1:52pm | Kattich doing exactly what is required here, leaving anything not on the stumps and turning the ball for singles when it’s safe to do so. Hussey plays this game well also, here’s hoping we make it to lunch still 2 down.

Fortunately Hussey knows the deal, especially playing at home. As my fantasy team’s captain and wont let me down.. and yes, Huss avoids the hat-trick.

Well there you go, 15 minutes in and South Africa are well on top. Fortunately there’s a bunch of NSW players to come so we’ll still get a good total.

Steyn to Hussey, no run, 140kmh, Steyn pitches short of a length around off stump and seams it away from the left-hander, Hussey pokes at it without moving his feet and gets beaten

Sounds like Steyn is getting some good movement off the seam, no mention of it through the air though. Ntini taking out the two under performing Aussie batsmen with good balls, continuing his form from the nets where he knocked Prince out of the match.

Moses is doing a QBQ of the first test.

Cheers for the plug JRod, I remember looking at the beer and sports stats not long ago and 60% of my traffic comes from http://www.cricketwithballs.com/ ! Superb effort.

Steyn to Hussey, OUT, Hussey’s gone for a duck! He pushes forward at one that slants across him and gets a thick outside edge which flies low towards gully, de Villiers dives forward and grabs it inches from the ground, terrific catch, what a fielder he is, Steyn’s celebration is intense!

Oh fúck me. Hussey the sand groper and rock of our middle order gone too! Stupid Victorian boss is stoked cause his bet is looking good! Steyn joins the wicket party, Hussey’s back in the pavillion. Only positive is this gives us an all NSW partnership. I wonder if Ponting is thinking about now that bowling might have been a decent option?

Well may I say God save the Queen, because nothing will save Matthew Hayden.

1 . . . | . . . . . Ntini to Clarke, no run, terrific ball, Ntini hits the perfect length and draws Clarke into a forward push, the ball straightens off the pitch and goes past the outside edge

Sounds like some quality pace pacing around out there on the paciest pace pitch of paceness.

Ntini to Clarke, 2 runs, shot! Clarke moves forward and drives a full ball from Ntini through cover, he hasn’t timed it well enough to get four though

But more importantly our two in form batsmen are now at the crease, Clarke and Katto to put on at least a hundred today.

Well that fúcks Hussey’s average.

Nice comment by Leg Break there, however, Hussey’s average is immortal. He’ll get 128 not out in the second dig to keep it in line.

Steyn to Clarke, 1 run, Steyn fires in a full delivery and Clarke falls over after flicking it off his pads towards long leg

Sounds like a comedy routine going on out in the middle. Still no more wickets, happy with that. gotta work, feck! back in 30…

1549 | Well that was crap, blóody training when there’s cricket to QBQ on!

The NSW boys have done extremely well, especially Michael Clarke who should NEVER have to face Steyn in the 5th over. Hayden give yourself an uppercut. Only positive about your performance is that in Perth SOS Marsh will have seen how not to open for Aus.

Thanks all for the comments, JRod you’ve gotta compete with lots of spammers and 60% seems about right as it was the percentage I was meant to give to the church of Sehwagology in the second year right?

Lisa thanks for the link to the feed, firewall says no however and it’d be a huge bandwidth hog which IT would be on to in a flash.

Looking forward to the second session where these fine representatives of the great state of NSW can continue their saffa taming exploits.

Second Session

Ntini to Clarke, 3 runs, that’s flashy from Clarke, he reaches out for a wide ball and hits it uppishly into the gap at cover point, he hasn’t timed it well either

1633 | Steyn to Clarke, FOUR, more flash from Pup, he slashes at a wide delivery outside off (the length wasn’t short) without moving his feet and gets an outside edge between gully and slisp for four

Good to see Clarkey playing his natural have a go at anything and ride my ársey luck game. All class.

Raj asks:

How can you have the heart to make fun of him [Ponting]?

Cause he’s an out of form inbred Tasmanian who puts himself before the team, talks shít in the press and doesn’t back it up on the field, and still insists on these stupid blóody catching agreements for the alleged spirit of the game yet doesn’t walk and he himself claims catches that he put down. Nice guy though..

Aleem Dar’s got the ball in his hand and he’s walking over to Asoka de Silva. They have a brief chat and toss the ball back to the South Africans. It;s not going to be changed for the moment.

Interesting, perhaps Katto has knocked the ball out of shape with all these nudges for one. Lets hope they don’t change it as it’s been a long time between wickets for the Seth Efriakns.

Excitement!

Ntini to Katich, SIX, Katich brings up Australia’s 100, and his fifty, with a slash over the third man boundary, the length was short and there was width for Katich to get under the ball and cut it over the slips for six, he’s revived Australia with a fluent half-century

Superb effort from the NSW captain who’s really held this innings together. He’s scored more than 50% of our team runs, and with wickets tumbling at the other end he’s done extremely well to stay in let alone tick the scoreboard over. Is Katto our best batsman yet? From what I’ve read he hasnt’ given much by way of chances either. Bravo.

Kallis to Clarke, no run, loud appeal for lbw but Kallis cuts his shout short after realising that Clarke got an inside edge, the ball was full and moving into Clarke who tried to flick but missed, it would have missed leg as well

Clarke still streaky, love it.

1650: Kattich is now officially Australia’s best batsman. I had thought it might be Clarke, but Katto has really kicked on from his record breaking 2007 shield season. I wonder when Phil Jaques is available again…

Steyn to Clarke, FOUR, Clarke brings up the 100 partnership in some style, Steyn gives him width outside off stump and Clarke frees his arms and cuts the ball in the air over point for four, lovely shot

Would now be a good time to point out my prediction that “Clarke and Katto to put on at least a hundred today” ? I think yes.

Australia 123/3 (40.0 ov)
The players are taking a drinks break. Australia have been on top after lunch, Katich has been scoring steadily and Clarke settled down after a flashy start and is four runs short of his half-century. There have been no alarms after lunch either for Australia – a fine recovery after being 15 for 3.

Drinks! We made it and we’re still just 3 down. Clarke and Katto are doing my fantasy team proud here, top effort by the boys. I can’t wait to get home and… watch A Current Affair. fúckers.

Harris to Katich, 2 runs, played off the pads down to long-leg where Morkel fields and sends the throw towards extra cover instead of the wicketkeeper!

Harris stopped mid-way through his run-up, I think an insect flew into his mouth. He spits and looks quite unhappy about it.

Good to see Harris providing some comic relief, Katto and Clarke have been out there for almost two sessions and would be thankful for the the distraction.

Morkel to Katich, OUT, Katich has missed a full toss and he’s lbw! Morkel delivers a low full toss from round the wicket and angles it into the left-hander, Katich moves across his stumps to flick but misses, the ball thuds into the pad in front of middle, would it have missed leg? Close call, it might have clipped leg stump

Shít gets wickets, and that’s the end of Katto. A real shame as he held us together today. Lets hope Roy remembers that he’s in the side as a specialist number 6 batsman…

and that’s it from me, I’m going home to my beer fridge. Till next time…